a directory of the bizarre, disturbing, and wonderful

SEGA Fireworks

Last night I went down to Crab Park to watch the Canada Day fireworks. There were so many colors and loud booms and all the people were being drunk at each other… it was great. After the finale, I suddenly thought why not have fireworks every day of the year? So I rushed home, put on my inventing hat, and rolled up an inspiration stick. Two hours later I had a working prototype. Only problem is, the godamn Japanese beat me to the punch. Just look at this!

Sega Toys makes indoor fireworks

Sega Toys Japan has heard your prayers and answered ’em in the form of the Uchiage Hanabi. This is essentially a projector that displays “fireworks” on the walls and ceilings, with realistic movement and sound. And if that weren’t enough, you can create your own fireworks and program your own shows. Now you can have Bastille Day, every day, in the privacy of your apartment! Out August 1, with a list price of $168.

Needless to say, I’m pissed off that SEGA jumped on this goldmine before I had the chance.  But I have a plan to steal market share: I’ll make a version with real fireworks that shoot out of a tiny canon, and while it’s shooting flaming objects around your house, The Final Countdown will blare from two little speakers on the side of it. The device will come with safety goggles (for the children) and pet armor (in case you own a cat):

Armor For Cats

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May 2017
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